23.11.04

O DIÁLOGO DA BATATA LUSA COM A BATATA CASTELHANA (Setembro 1999)

Exilado por uns dias noutro Continente, debaixo das últimas chuvas que se seguiram na cauda do furacão Floyd, não pude ver o debate em que o Dr. Portas levou consigo umas batatas. Nem sabem a pena que tive.
A história das batatas esteve para ser comigo nas europeias, na versão pera-rocha. O Dr. Portas pensou levar para um debate televisivo, após conveniente discussão com os seus publicitários, uma pera-rocha. Na época as palmetas não estavam acessíveis e levar um peixe para estúdio tem os seus problemas, porque senão podia ser que fosse a molhada palmeta em vez da verde pera. Tive ainda mais pena, porque o ridículo que cairía sobre o Dr. Portas, faria concerteza mais pela agricultura portuguesa, que a demagogia da pera.
Mas fiquemo-nos pela batatas. Eu estou imaginando o que cada uma das batatas diria à outra e estive para fazer este artigo ao estilo dos “apologos dialogais” de D. Francisco Manuel de Melo, fazendo conversar a batata lusa com a batata castelhana. Mas faltou-me o engenho, a arte e os pormenores. Os pormenores é que eram o fundamental e aqui o exílio pesa.
As batatas certamente teriam muito que dizer, em particular sobre o senhor que as trouxera à arreata para cima da mesa. Como é que elas tinham vindo do humus para aquela mesa? De jeep, num daqueles veículos de tracção às quatro rodas, com design e comprados pelo FEOGA? Ou de Audi, ou Mercedes? E da porta da televisão ao estúdio? Como é que elas tinham vindo? Nos bolsos do Dr. Portas? E não estragavam o fato? Num saquinho de plástico do supermercado? Numa pasta Louis Vuitton? Num saco Gucci? Comprou-as o Dr. Portas num supermercado ou foi um agriculto que lhas deu? Eram as batatas politicamente correctas, a portuguesa pequena e triste e a espanhola, cheia e lustrosa? Ou uma versão ainda politicamente mais correcta, era a portuguesa grande e borbulhosa, cheia de hidratos de carbono, e a espanhola luxuosa e cheirando a pesticida? Eram as batatas novas ou velhas? Estavam greladas ou não? Tinham pó? Estavam protegidas contra o escaravelho? Guardou-as o Dr. Portas no fim para as devolver ao agricultor, ou comeu-as, ou deixou-as para os cameraman , já que no aproveitar é que está o ganho? Ah! Se as batatas falassem….
Eu imagino o comentário indignado que passará pela cabeça do Dr. Portas: “ele está a gozar com a sorte dos agricultores portugueses para quem estas são questões de vida ou de morte….”. E fará o seu ar mais compungido.
Não, Dr. Portas. Quem não tem respeito pelos agricultores portugueses, como aliás não tem pelos reformados, pelos pobres, pelas famílias – é o actual presidente do PP. Usa-os, mas não os respeita. Nem pouco, nem muito, nada.
Porque se há coisa de que eu tenho a certeza absoluta é que o Dr. Portas não quer saber para coisa nenhuma nem com os pobres, nem com os agricultores, nem com os reformados, a não ser como votos.
Aliás, isto não é segredo para ninguém e apenas é iludido pela protecção e projecção que a máquina do Dr. Jorge Coelho dá ao Dr. Portas. Bastava ver e entender o que se conhece da carreira política do Dr. Portas, nas suas duas metades – como director de um jornal político e como dirigente do PP – para se perceber aquilo que ele uma vez distraído disse: que acha que os portugueses não valiam nada.
É o que ele pensa porque se pensasse outra coisa, não vinha com as batatas, com as vaquinhas, com as lições de moral.

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